How hot is it?
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Jamie Gardner
My youngest son, Jacob, and I got to work out in this heat several days last week. It was brutal to say the least. I do enjoy summertime, but the older and fatter I get, the more I realize I’m not necessarily built for these hot conditions.
When I was younger, there was a comedian that would tell jokes about big women or big men. He’d say “Big Woman (or Man).” Then the audience would then say, “How big was she or he?” One of his favorites was, “We used to take her (or him) to the beach and sell shade.”
I am going to take a page out of his book this week with a twist…“How hot is it?”
It’s so hot…
– I witnessed a chicken lay an omelette the other day.
– It’s like walking through soup.
– The ice-cream truck melted.
– I’m in a new relationship…with my air conditioner.
– I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
– I got home and wanted to take a shower, but my wife had used up all the cold water.
– When I got home from the grocery store, my bacon was cooked to perfection.
– It’s hotter than a mile of Georgia asphalt (now that’s hot!).
– Here in South Georgia that if you listen closely, you can hear the trees and fire hydrants whistling for dogs.
– It’s hotter than a jalapeño’s armpit.
– I’m sweaty and upsetty.
– I enjoy long, romantic walks to my fridge.
– I have two rules for this heat. Number one, drink plenty of water. Number two, watch how you talk to me.
– The swimming pool is boiling.
– It’s hot enough to scald a lizard.
– If it gets any hotter, I’ll have to take off stuff I really ought to keep on.
– Cows are producing evaporated milk.
– I saw a bird pull a worm out of the ground with an oven mitt.
– The Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
– Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.
– And finally, Dear weather…stop showing off! We know you’re hot.
There you have it folks. It’s that hot right now in Baxley, Georgia. Stay cool and drink plenty of water during this time of year. Also, don’t forget to check in on us big boys every now and again. We struggling!
