National Pet Peeve Week is observed the first full week in October and especially on the culminating Sunday, October 9, this year. Pet peeves are things that drive you crazy year-round. My hackles literally stand up when someone calls me Mary, but my name is Mary Ann. Or . . . I answer the phone and have someone offer me an extended warranty on my car, which is a 2009 Lincoln Town car. Perhaps some politician wants to convince me that he is the best candidate for the job, so I should vote for him. You get the idea. Pet peeves are not very serious, but they are they are very annoying.
I care immeasurably about many monumental issues, things like abortion, mistreatment of people and animals, crooked politicians, etc., but not too much bothers me on the pet-peeve level. That is simply an annoyance level. I think of a single mosquito buzzing in my bedroom on a hot summer night or someone chewing with his mouth open or drivers hugging the left lane instead of moving to the right one. However, I admit that misuse of certain grammar/punctuation elements, especially the apostrophe, annoys me terribly. When I walk into a grocery store and see a sign that reads, “Apple’s $2.98/lb,” my eyes flash fiery red, sometimes at the price, but mostly at the misuse of that poor, abused punctuation mark. I want to grab my bright red Sharpie from my purse and scrub that apostrophe off the sign. Actually, I’m exaggerating a bit. I don’t carry a red Sharpie or one of any other color in my purse, for that matter. Having one readily available is too big a temptation, so I leave all my markers at home, far away from my eager fingers. I’m not sure my passion for good grammar is worth going to jail for vandalism. Probably some of my loyal readers would come bail me out though. I couldn’t possibly be the only one in this town who cares about this issue.
Have we stopped teaching the use of the apostrophe? At the risk of sounding like an old fogey English teacher, which I probably am, I’m going to say that I well remember Mrs. Virginia McEachin’s drilling those rules into her classes. Maybe I should ask, “Have students stopped learning it?” Perhaps that’s why we have apostrophes scattered randomly in so many names these days. Jea’nette or Shan’tai looks really strange to me because that poor apostrophe serves no purpose, and it’s a working punctuation mark. It does not relish being idle. The god of punctuation created it somewhere in the annals of time to make language more functional and easier to understand, but modern-day users just confuse readers with their erratic usage.
First of all, it shows possession. Johnny’s parents were appalled that in the twelfth grade, he still didn’t know how to use the apostrophe. They immediately called his teacher’s house phone and then her cell phone until they finally reached her.
It can also show that a letter has been omitted. It’s a shame that we can’t use this simple punctuation mark, especially when the rules are readily available on the trusty (Ha!) internet.
I suppose our modern society has become lackadaisical about grammar in general and think that if we can communicate, then everything is fine and dandy. I suppose it is on the very basic level, but grammar truly matters. Consider the following misuse of the comma.
“Let’s eat Grandpa!” Poor Grandpa. He’s what’s for dinner. A simple comma can save his life. “Let’s eat, Grandpa!” Now he’s joining the family for a meal instead of being the meal. See how important that comma is.
A restaurant menu listed the ingredients of “Goats Cheese Salad” as lettuce, tomato, goats, cheese. Obviously, this listing has one comma too many. Not many restaurants serve the actual goat.
Then there’s the eternal, infernal problem of those Slow Children Crossing signs that line our roadways. Are those children moving at a snail’s pace? Are they too mentally slow to cross the street alone? Simple punctuation can fix the children’s problem—not a comma, mind you. “Slow—Children Crossing” would work. How about “Slow! Children Crossing”? Those poor ambiguously slow children could disappear forever from our signs.
Do you have pet peeves? Let me know about them, and I’ll print some. You can reach me at maryann@baxnews.
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