Jamie Gardner
Another installment of sidesplitting headlines
Newspapers can have some downright hilarious material at times. Therefore I offer to you, once again, another installment of funny headlines that actually made it to print. Enjoy!
- Army vehicle disappears after being painted with camouflage.
- Man accused of killing lawyer receives a new attorney.
- Mayor to homeless: “Go home.”
- Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement (please note spelling of Mississippi).
- Homicide victims rarely talk to police.
- Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison.
- Most earthquake damage is caused by shaking.
- Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.
- Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
- City unsure why sewer smells.
- State prisons to replace easy-open locks.
- Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs.
- Dead body found in cemetery.
- Deaf people focus of fraud. Subhead – “I tried to warn people, and saved some of them from investing, but some didn’t listen.”
- County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds.
- One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers.
- Threat disrupts plans to meet about threats.
- Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks.
- Woman was still alive hours before she died.
- Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee.
- Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head.
- Bridges help people cross rivers.
- Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem.
- Starvation can lead to health hazards.
- Miracle cure kills fifth patient.
- The bra celebrates a pair of historic milestones this year.
- And my personal favorite… Waterford boy, 8, saves sister’s life. Subhead – “I wouldn’t do it again. She’s been a pain this week.”
- Man accused of killing lawyer receives a new attorney.
- Mayor to homeless: “Go home.”
- Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement (please note spelling of Mississippi).
- Homicide victims rarely talk to police.
- Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison.
- Most earthquake damage is caused by shaking.
- Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons.
- Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
- City unsure why sewer smells.
- State prisons to replace easy-open locks.
- Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs.
- Dead body found in cemetery.
- Deaf people focus of fraud. Subhead – “I tried to warn people, and saved some of them from investing, but some didn’t listen.”
- County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds.
- One-armed man applauds the kindness of strangers.
- Threat disrupts plans to meet about threats.
- Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks.
- Woman was still alive hours before she died.
- Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee.
- Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800-pound ball on his head.
- Bridges help people cross rivers.
- Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem.
- Starvation can lead to health hazards.
- Miracle cure kills fifth patient.
- The bra celebrates a pair of historic milestones this year.
- And my personal favorite… Waterford boy, 8, saves sister’s life. Subhead – “I wouldn’t do it again. She’s been a pain this week.”
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