I had to go over to Waycross one day a few January’s back to pick up some rabies vaccine from the health department. I was accompanied by a friend, Capp, who can attest to the validity of the following tale.
As I stated, it was January but it was very warm and had been unseasonably so for many days. We were just east of Douglas on 158 when we ran into a road construction project. Just as we got to the flagman he flipped his sign for us to stop and we did. It was going to be a long wait.
Ken Vickers
An easier yoke
The flagman walked over to my open window and began a conversation.
“How you nooin’? (He had a terrible lisp and it soon became apparent he was somewhat simpleminded.)
“Fine,” I replied, “how you doin’?”
“Fine, but my mruther ain’t. He got yocked up for a me u I.”
“A me u I?” I asked, not quite understanding the man.
“Yea, up at the rimmer. I did not know it were agint the yaw to nrive a moat when you were nrinking. Would you go on his mond?”
I finally understood the man’s brother was charged with B.U.I. for driving a boat while drunk on the Ocmulgee River and I replied, “No, I do not do that. I don’t sign anyone’s bond.”
“O.K.” the man replied, not offended at all by my rejection. “You know, Jneethus is coming back any day now,” he blurted.
Startled by this edict coming from an obviously simple man, I asked, “How do you know that Jesus is coming back?”
“It thimple. The Mible thays that when you can’t know the theasons mut by the muddin’ of the trees, it time for Jneethus to come back.”
I have heard this all my life and the Bible does not say this so I said to the man, “ This is the wrong interpretation of the Parable of the Fig Tree where Jesus said when you see the budding of the fig tree know ye that Spring is nigh.” I know it is hot and it is January but it is simply an anomaly in the weather.”
“Anomawho?” “Anomaly, an aberration,” I said, “it’s just unseasonably warm weather and Jesus is not coming back any time soon. All the signs he predicted have not yet been fulfilled,” I said, trying in some measure to cheer up this hapless man.
He looked at me as serious as he could and studied me for a moment and then said, “Are you thure?” “Yes,” I replied, “I am sure.”
I could see the wheels turning as the man rolled this around in his head a few times. He looked back at me and asked again, “Are you thure you’re thure?”
“Yes, I am thure. I’m sorry, I mean yes, I am sure I am sure.”
It became obvious to me that this man had been tormented for quite some time that Jesus’ return may indeed be imminent and that he might not be ready for the consequences.
Once again the man asked of me, “Are you thure you’re thure you’re thure?”
Exasperated, I replied somewhat more forcefully, “Yes I am sure! I am absolutely positive.”
The man nearly swooned at my window, caught himself, wiped his brow and said, “Maaan, dat’ a yoad off my mind.”
I had often wondered if the more simple minded among us worried as much as the rest of the ‘normal’ people about being ready to meet the Man.
Now I knew. Now I was ‘thure.’ Some of them do.
I hope this knowledge is a load off your mind.
“How you nooin’? (He had a terrible lisp and it soon became apparent he was somewhat simpleminded.)
“Fine,” I replied, “how you doin’?”
“Fine, but my mruther ain’t. He got yocked up for a me u I.”
“A me u I?” I asked, not quite understanding the man.
“Yea, up at the rimmer. I did not know it were agint the yaw to nrive a moat when you were nrinking. Would you go on his mond?”
I finally understood the man’s brother was charged with B.U.I. for driving a boat while drunk on the Ocmulgee River and I replied, “No, I do not do that. I don’t sign anyone’s bond.”
“O.K.” the man replied, not offended at all by my rejection. “You know, Jneethus is coming back any day now,” he blurted.
Startled by this edict coming from an obviously simple man, I asked, “How do you know that Jesus is coming back?”
“It thimple. The Mible thays that when you can’t know the theasons mut by the muddin’ of the trees, it time for Jneethus to come back.”
I have heard this all my life and the Bible does not say this so I said to the man, “ This is the wrong interpretation of the Parable of the Fig Tree where Jesus said when you see the budding of the fig tree know ye that Spring is nigh.” I know it is hot and it is January but it is simply an anomaly in the weather.”
“Anomawho?” “Anomaly, an aberration,” I said, “it’s just unseasonably warm weather and Jesus is not coming back any time soon. All the signs he predicted have not yet been fulfilled,” I said, trying in some measure to cheer up this hapless man.
He looked at me as serious as he could and studied me for a moment and then said, “Are you thure?” “Yes,” I replied, “I am sure.”
I could see the wheels turning as the man rolled this around in his head a few times. He looked back at me and asked again, “Are you thure you’re thure?”
“Yes, I am thure. I’m sorry, I mean yes, I am sure I am sure.”
It became obvious to me that this man had been tormented for quite some time that Jesus’ return may indeed be imminent and that he might not be ready for the consequences.
Once again the man asked of me, “Are you thure you’re thure you’re thure?”
Exasperated, I replied somewhat more forcefully, “Yes I am sure! I am absolutely positive.”
The man nearly swooned at my window, caught himself, wiped his brow and said, “Maaan, dat’ a yoad off my mind.”
I had often wondered if the more simple minded among us worried as much as the rest of the ‘normal’ people about being ready to meet the Man.
Now I knew. Now I was ‘thure.’ Some of them do.
I hope this knowledge is a load off your mind.
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