I confided to a fellow writer that I was getting writers block. She suggested that I just pick a subject, the first one that pops in my head, and comment on that subject. OK, the Ten Commandments. Here goes.
1. Thou shall have no other Gods before me. No problem, Big Man. OK.
Ken Vickers
At least I’m honest
2. Thou shall make and worship no graven image. No, I don’t worship money. I need some to get by but I don’t worship it. I won’t let my children worship a poster of Madonna either. It’s the same thing. OK.
3. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy. I’m in church every Sunday. It’s the keeping it Holy part I am having trouble with. UhOh.
4. Yes, I honored my wife’s parents and I am honoring mine. OK.
5. Thou shall not take the Lord’s name in vain.
In the name of Jesus I’m going to lose twenty pounds- but instead I gained ten. Sorry about that, Lord. UhOh!
6. Thou shall do no murder. Oh crap! I will admit if I were in my deer stand and one of many certain nationally known Socialists or worthless, pretend to be conservatives, stepped into my feed plot and started grazing on the oats I planted for the wildlife, I might have trouble here although I’m not sure you would call it murder. It’s more a case of culling the herd. Oh, well, I’m sinning in my heart. UhOh.
7. Thou shall not commit adultery. No problem for me. You ought to see my wife shoot. OK.
8. Thou shall not lie. I am alright here as long as it does not apply to how many fish I caught or how big that buck was. UhOh.
9. Thou shall not steal. No problem- if I am not hungry. If I was hungry and you left your smoke house unlocked or your turnip patch unguarded we might have a problem. UhOH.
10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s land, his ass, or his wife.
I don’t want your land; the taxes are too high, and I hope I have plowed a mule for the last time. You can keep your wife, too. I had enough trouble training the one I’ve got. I wouldn’t mind having your bass boat, though, or maybe that fine business you have built up over the years, or the good paying job you’ve got. UhOh.
Let’s see, that’s 4 OK’s and 6 UhOh’s. I think I should have picked another subject.
What’s that you said? You are better than me?
Alright, then, what’s your score? And there’s no need to cheat! Ain’t nobody looking but you and the Big Man and He knows a lie when He hears one!
3. Remember the Sabbath day to keep it Holy. I’m in church every Sunday. It’s the keeping it Holy part I am having trouble with. UhOh.
4. Yes, I honored my wife’s parents and I am honoring mine. OK.
5. Thou shall not take the Lord’s name in vain.
In the name of Jesus I’m going to lose twenty pounds- but instead I gained ten. Sorry about that, Lord. UhOh!
6. Thou shall do no murder. Oh crap! I will admit if I were in my deer stand and one of many certain nationally known Socialists or worthless, pretend to be conservatives, stepped into my feed plot and started grazing on the oats I planted for the wildlife, I might have trouble here although I’m not sure you would call it murder. It’s more a case of culling the herd. Oh, well, I’m sinning in my heart. UhOh.
7. Thou shall not commit adultery. No problem for me. You ought to see my wife shoot. OK.
8. Thou shall not lie. I am alright here as long as it does not apply to how many fish I caught or how big that buck was. UhOh.
9. Thou shall not steal. No problem- if I am not hungry. If I was hungry and you left your smoke house unlocked or your turnip patch unguarded we might have a problem. UhOH.
10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s land, his ass, or his wife.
I don’t want your land; the taxes are too high, and I hope I have plowed a mule for the last time. You can keep your wife, too. I had enough trouble training the one I’ve got. I wouldn’t mind having your bass boat, though, or maybe that fine business you have built up over the years, or the good paying job you’ve got. UhOh.
Let’s see, that’s 4 OK’s and 6 UhOh’s. I think I should have picked another subject.
What’s that you said? You are better than me?
Alright, then, what’s your score? And there’s no need to cheat! Ain’t nobody looking but you and the Big Man and He knows a lie when He hears one!
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