Ken Vickers
Feathered conspiracy
I am an avid bird hunter and have been all my life. When I was young it was nothing to walk out the back door with my Daddy’s 20 gauge Browning auto and Red, the red speckled setter, and by noon have twenty wild Bob White quail in my coat. Man, those were the days. I loved quail hunting and miss it sorely, but now that the wiregrass and old timber is gone and the habitat has completely changed, hunting wild Bobwhite is nearly impossible for us ordinary folk. Most quail hunting now is done on plantations where the birds are pen raised and released just ahead of the hunt. This is fun to some people but to those of us that were here when it was real; shooting a pen raised quail is like kissing your sister.
This still left dove and duck hunting and we used to have dove aplenty in my region and still do have wood ducks in abundance. The dove, though, have been mighty scarce this year for some reason. I guess it has not been cold enough up the east coast to drive them down, or maybe they all died from avian flu. Whatever the reason, this is the first time in forty years that I have not fired a shot at a dove; not one!
Maybe Obama passed a decree in the middle of the night forbidding them to come south. That’s it! It’s a conspiracy! Treachery! Treason, Bless God! It’s the Democrats and Republicans together that are responsible for this travesty. As I have stated many times when giving a speech at some function; corruption in Washington, DC is bipartisan. I need no further proof than the absence of these migratory culinary delights to know a conspiracy is afoot at the highest levels of our government. Because of this, I intend to vote against every incumbent and every challenger that graduated from law school. Enough is enough!
Oh, well, the lack of dove left me to take out my wrath upon the unfortunate wood duck population that had the gall to stick their beaks into a pile of peanuts my neighbor poured out at the edge of a nearby beaver pond for the catfish to eat. It’s a good thing I volunteered to go with my shotgun and Fox, the Wonder Lab, to guard the nuts or these brazen denizens of the crack of day would have eaten every last nut and the catfish would have starved. I barely managed to fight the ducks off.
Not being one to waste good meat, I commanded Fox to retrieve every last duck and then carried them home to be dressed and slow smoked, thus adding insult to their injury. Coupled with a bottle of homemade Merlot, however, they were almost as good as a platter of peanut fattened fried catfish.
My neighbor is feeding peanuts to the catfish in another place, also, and the Canada geese have made it their business to steal all this fish food, too.
Will this stealing never cease? They are almost as brazen with their thievery as our politicians are. I am going to teach these feathered entrées that it is a sin to steal. A good dose of three -inch number four lead shot ought to do the trick. That’ll teach ‘em!
Now if only we could teach the politicians!
I am afraid the latter would require 00 buck shot, 3 inch and 10 gauge! (Unless there’s something bigger that can be legally acquired. I wonder what the fine is for shooting a politician over bait. I heard they are almost as easy to decoy as a dove. You just substitute money for nuts.)
Maybe Obama passed a decree in the middle of the night forbidding them to come south. That’s it! It’s a conspiracy! Treachery! Treason, Bless God! It’s the Democrats and Republicans together that are responsible for this travesty. As I have stated many times when giving a speech at some function; corruption in Washington, DC is bipartisan. I need no further proof than the absence of these migratory culinary delights to know a conspiracy is afoot at the highest levels of our government. Because of this, I intend to vote against every incumbent and every challenger that graduated from law school. Enough is enough!
Oh, well, the lack of dove left me to take out my wrath upon the unfortunate wood duck population that had the gall to stick their beaks into a pile of peanuts my neighbor poured out at the edge of a nearby beaver pond for the catfish to eat. It’s a good thing I volunteered to go with my shotgun and Fox, the Wonder Lab, to guard the nuts or these brazen denizens of the crack of day would have eaten every last nut and the catfish would have starved. I barely managed to fight the ducks off.
Not being one to waste good meat, I commanded Fox to retrieve every last duck and then carried them home to be dressed and slow smoked, thus adding insult to their injury. Coupled with a bottle of homemade Merlot, however, they were almost as good as a platter of peanut fattened fried catfish.
My neighbor is feeding peanuts to the catfish in another place, also, and the Canada geese have made it their business to steal all this fish food, too.
Will this stealing never cease? They are almost as brazen with their thievery as our politicians are. I am going to teach these feathered entrées that it is a sin to steal. A good dose of three -inch number four lead shot ought to do the trick. That’ll teach ‘em!
Now if only we could teach the politicians!
I am afraid the latter would require 00 buck shot, 3 inch and 10 gauge! (Unless there’s something bigger that can be legally acquired. I wonder what the fine is for shooting a politician over bait. I heard they are almost as easy to decoy as a dove. You just substitute money for nuts.)
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