Jamie Gardner
Humor is the best medicine
From time to time I have poked fun at the news industry, my industry, by citing humorous headlines and other gaffes made in the everyday world of news reporting. Trust me, I’ve made a few in my days as a newspaper editor as well. This is another installment of headline blunders found across newspaper pages recently:
- Fish need water, Feds Say. (Who would’ve thought?)
- Homicide victims rarely talk to police. (It would be interesting to hear what they have to say; now that would make for an interesting headline.)
- Bridges help people cross rivers. (Really?)
- Students cook and serve grandparents. (Poor people.)
- Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons. (What did they expect to find?)
- Planes forced to land at airports. (Huh?)
- City unsure why sewer smells. (I’ve got a good idea why it smells.)
- Dam nearly finished, but much left to do. (So which is it?)
- One in for kids drop out of high school. (Note spelling.)
- Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement. (Again, note spelling.)
- Hospital resorts to hiring doctors. (Glad we got that cleared up.)
- Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks. (Folks, I promise I am not making these up.)
- One-armed man applauds kindness of strangers. (Nope! Not going to comment on this one.)
- Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee. (I expect “high” things to come from this committee.)
- Most earthquake damage is caused from shaking. (No comment, just shaking my head.)
- Homeless man under house arrest. (Did I miss something, where is his house?)
- Man accused of killing lawyer receives new attorney. (Didn’t see that one coming.)
- Psychics predict world didn’t end yesterday. (Man, I’m glad they predicted correctly.)
- Red tape holds up new bridge. (That’s a lot of tape.)
- Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs. (Again, you just can’t make this stuff up.)
- Sewage spill kills fish, but water safe to drink. (Not happening folks.)
- We hate math, say 4 in 10 – majority of Americans. (You may need to go back to math class.)
- Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25. (25 must be the new 19.)
- China may be using sea to hide its submarines. (I figured they would just hide them on dry land, go figure.)
- State prisons to replace easy-open locks. (Good to know.)
See, I told you. A little humor always makes a person feel better.
- Homicide victims rarely talk to police. (It would be interesting to hear what they have to say; now that would make for an interesting headline.)
- Bridges help people cross rivers. (Really?)
- Students cook and serve grandparents. (Poor people.)
- Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons. (What did they expect to find?)
- Planes forced to land at airports. (Huh?)
- City unsure why sewer smells. (I’ve got a good idea why it smells.)
- Dam nearly finished, but much left to do. (So which is it?)
- One in for kids drop out of high school. (Note spelling.)
- Missippi’s literacy program shows improvement. (Again, note spelling.)
- Hospital resorts to hiring doctors. (Glad we got that cleared up.)
- Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks. (Folks, I promise I am not making these up.)
- One-armed man applauds kindness of strangers. (Nope! Not going to comment on this one.)
- Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee. (I expect “high” things to come from this committee.)
- Most earthquake damage is caused from shaking. (No comment, just shaking my head.)
- Homeless man under house arrest. (Did I miss something, where is his house?)
- Man accused of killing lawyer receives new attorney. (Didn’t see that one coming.)
- Psychics predict world didn’t end yesterday. (Man, I’m glad they predicted correctly.)
- Red tape holds up new bridge. (That’s a lot of tape.)
- Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs. (Again, you just can’t make this stuff up.)
- Sewage spill kills fish, but water safe to drink. (Not happening folks.)
- We hate math, say 4 in 10 – majority of Americans. (You may need to go back to math class.)
- Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25. (25 must be the new 19.)
- China may be using sea to hide its submarines. (I figured they would just hide them on dry land, go figure.)
- State prisons to replace easy-open locks. (Good to know.)
See, I told you. A little humor always makes a person feel better.
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