I keep getting notices through my email that someone wants to be my friend on Facebook. Out of courtesy I almost always approve them even though I do not know them from a bucket of turpentine. Just this morning another request arrived and I went to the site and there, on the right side of the screen, was as ad stating that if I wanted to meet some nice ladies that wanted a faithful man to take care of them, that all I had to do was click on the picture. I thought about this for a minute and was about to click just to find out who might be available in the event my wife up and run off.
I decided I needed more info, however, so; To Whom It May Concern at Facebook: Put some more info on this site and you might get more inquiries. I mean let’s just get a little more in depth concerning qualifications.
Let’s say it was me and some other fine, upstanding gentlemen like me who wanted to be taken care of. I would start the Facebook ad something like the following; Are you a rich, good looking woman looking for a man to take care of? Great! Then along with balance of cash on hand (financial statement required), all ladies applying at this site need to possess the ability to; cook country meals at the drop of a hat just like Momma can, be willing and able to wash windows around the whole house at least twice a year, do the laundry (no knowledge of starch required), vacuum at least once a week (more if pets are allowed), condone moderate drinking by your true love and his sometimes obnoxious buddies, agree to put your true love in the will and his signature on all bank accounts, never introduce him to your family members (unless they are also female, single, good looking, and rich), and religiously attend Zumba classes twice a day to keep everything in place and looking good. Any love starved, good looking, and rich lady meeting the aforementioned qualifications (all except the latter are negotiable), simply click on the site on Facebook and get ready for heaven on earth and your first face to face meeting with your true love who is guaranteed to allow you to take care of him the rest of his life.
Now, if some deserving, love starved, and rich (again, all other requirements except the latter are negotiable) lady responds to this ad, it will no doubt garner prompt attention from every eligible man wanting to be taken care of.
I am informing Facebook to work out a deal because now that my taxes are filed and I can breathe, and knowing the government cannot be made solvent even if I sent them all I have (and you did likewise) and I surrendered my body to be burned, I can honestly say to Rush Limbaugh; Sir, You are wrong in saying you are ashamed of your country. Where else on earth can a man come up with an idea as I just described above and put it into play by days end? Nowhere but in America!
I must stop writing now in anticipation of a flurry of emails and phone calls from all the ladies that are willing to meet with fine, upstanding gentlemen that they want to take care of.
Not me, mind you. I am taken. I am going to be the broker. I’ll filter out all the riff raff that are just looking for easy street. Some men cannot be trusted in matters like these, you know. All male applicants are vetted heavily to ensure the man you ladies get will allow you to take care of him.
On second thought if I do this filtering business the number of eligible men might be so few that I have to place myself back in the running, and if I do, then along with all the other qualifications mentioned above, access to a jam up, pre-paid divorce lawyer would also be required, and quite possibly, a mortician.